I can hardly count the number of terrible dates I’ve been on. As a single person in NY you end up kissing a ton of frogs before landing a prince. Eddie Campbell‘s “44 Horrible Dates” is an ode to bad daters every where. Campbell’s story telling is funny and conversational, like hearing juicy gossip. Campbell’s book is composed of 44 short stories, each one as the title suggests is a horrific (yet hilarious) experience in dating.
It seemed like it took him an hour to get to my car, as if he were walking in slow motion. I was thinking of so many things. I bet he’s witty, smart, good in bed. And hopefully he has a huge penis. (Hey, let’s face it; no one hopes that a guy has a small dick.)With those visions still floating around in my head (like soap bubbles with tiny little fairy godmothers inside them), Tim opened my car door, plopped down, and before he could even close the door…he farted.My imaginary soap bubbles quickly popped like nuclear explosions. The fairy godmothers shrieking out in horror as Tim let one rip with the roar of a ferocious lion defending its young. This was not a petite little quiet fart that easily could have been passed off as a leather seat noise, but a loud, horrendous, male fart. The kind of fart a bunch of guys watching the Super Bowl do on purpose to make each other laugh.I didn’t know what to do next. I froze up, deadpan expression, like a person on a diet caught going into the refrigerator at 2:00 a.m. Should I have pretended like I was sleepwalking?I made the split-second decision to ignore Tim’s form of nonverbal communication. At which point Tim chimed in with, “I had a bean burrito for lunch.”
Campbell is a successful writer and designer who has worked on television and film. When it comes to dating, you’re either a bad dater or the victim of one, either way you need to read this book. If you’re single and struggling read this book for a good laugh and perhaps a list of things NOT to do on your next date. If you’re happily in love read this book and be thankful your dating days are over, or at least read it and find 44 reasons to make your relationship work.